ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
