I love black thongs
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
