I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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