yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
