and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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