Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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