Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
