This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
