Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I faked an abortion last night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
