Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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