It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
