New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So vagazzling was a success
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
