ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
