Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
