i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
