that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
