how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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