I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
