You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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