Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
