hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
this boner is exhausting
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
