So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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