Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
