ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so explain again why im purple
no
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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