It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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