he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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