We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
