FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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