ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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