My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
