suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
