Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Where is the hickey?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
