Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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