Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
