I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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