He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
