He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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