Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
