I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
