wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
this boner is exhausting
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
