Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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