does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
