Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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