Plan B is the new Plan A
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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