come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
