he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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