Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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