I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
