Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
