nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
