Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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